An Insider’s Report from Israel (Part Two)

In Part One, I related my experience of my son’s religious community with its own customs, dress, beliefs, and values — one of many ways of life that are different from what we know. I deeply believe that one-on-one relationships between individuals, families and groups from diverse societies and cultures is the way to increase understanding and — eventually — supersede the lack of acceptance and respect that threatens our personal, national, and global well-being.

MODESTY IN DRESS AND BEHAVIOR — “TZNIUS”

You haven’t seen me in my Israeli garb — I shed my jeans and T-shirt for long skirts, stockings, and tops with sleeves to below the elbow and high to the neckline (the rule is, no collarbone exposed). But my fashion sense accompanies me; individual style is not prohibited in the community of observant women. In fact, the young mothers look especially svelte and put-together on the Sabbath, pushing strollers and enjoying a day of leisure and socializing.

Married women keep their hair covered outside of the home for modesty’s sake, sporting millinery, a snood or an intricately wrapped scarf. The younger married women favor beautiful wigs of natural hair which they wear over their own long hair. It is simply not true that religious women have to shave off or crop their hair and can’t wear makeup.

The Hebrew term “tznius” applies to modesty not only in dress, but in general conduct and speech. Its purpose is to establish a dignified — indeed sanctified — personal space which has as its ultimate purpose an impact on the spirituality of the person. With respect to behavior (as explained in the Courtship section in Part One), touching between unmarried persons is not permitted, and even in marriage, you will not see public displays of affection.

I adopt the prevailing clothing customs out of a personal decision to show respect to the community. I discovered that in the summer, wearing a long and flowing skirt is pleasingly cool and comfortable — but I don’t cover my hair. The young families respect my comfort level too, part of it having to do with reverence for elders and parents. No one tries to persuade me to become more religious.

Girls in religious families wear mid-length or longer skirts/dresses, tights, and longer sleeves not only for Shabbos but for everyday, in all seasons. They wear uniforms to school, a navy blue pleated skirt and light blue Oxford shirt or white blouse, backpack loaded with books and lunch, similar to any prep or parochial school in the USA.

After school or on Shabbos, they head to the playground to play hard or ride their bikes in their jumpers or dresses, not constrained in particular by what they are wearing. Leggings or jeans or shorts are nowhere to be seen.

WHAT WE ENJOY MOST IS SHABBOS — THE SABBATH

Friday is a half day at school or work, leaving time to prepare the elaborate Friday night meal and “cholent” (crock-pot meal) for Saturday lunch. All hands on deck clean the house from top to bottom, set the table, and finally, dress in Shabbos finery before sunset and candle-lighting. When the siren blares through the city and the settlements, the Sabbath has arrived and all work, including cooking, comes to a sudden halt.

Mordechai leads the prayers and blessings at the dinner table. After the meal, the family discusses the weekly parsha reading (Torah portion). The girls already studied it in school the preceding week and we always learn something from each other, tossing ideas across the table concerning knotty problems of ethical behavior and purpose in life.

On the Sabbath, there are no cars on the road, allowing the children complete freedom to safely roam the streets and hills around them. There is an open door policy for the children throughout the cul de sac of about one hundred housing units — you do the math to estimate the number of children in just this section of the development!

My son enjoys buying beautiful outfits and barrettes for the girls; he says that anything to make them love Shabbos is what is most important to him.

SHABBOS ENDS — AND MY VISIT ENDS TOO

Sunday morning is our Monday, the weekend is over, and it’s back to work and school for another five and a half days. While the girls are in school during the week, I have middays free to take a bus to the city, shop in the open markets, and order a tasty falafel sandwich on freshly baked pita.

Remember, my suitcase has been emptied of its gifts and American products, leaving plenty of space to pack Middle Eastern delicacies, such as sweet paprika and za’tar (a traditional all-purpose Middle Eastern spice), figs, dates, and apricots, pecans roasted in honey, and most importantly, the freshly made hunks of halavah. Just so you know, my favorite flavors turned out to be cinnamon first, coffee bean second.

When I’m ready to leave, the tears begin to flow. “Gramma, can I go to the airport with you? Gramma, can I hide in your suitcase? Gramma, when are you coming back?”  When I unpack at home, I find little envelopes with handwritten notes and drawings between my clothing, surprises from my sweet granddaughters.

Thinking back on my visit, I loved the long, late night walks alone in the temperate breezes, passing the occasional young couple talking in hushed tones. I collected sand-colored Jerusalem stones along the side of the road to bring home and place on my husband’s headstone, with love from the family and blessings from the Holy Land.

THE ISRAELI LEVINES GET A TASTE OF AMERICAN LIFE

I am not strictly religious but feel welcomed in the communal and family life of the Jerusalem neighborhood. When Mordechai and his family visit me in the states, they are surrounded by a completely secular cultural and social environment.

How do they meet the challenges of an everyday life so different from their own? It starts in the kitchen! We bring the kosher dishes, silver, and cookware out of storage in the basement, and the kids hijack my kitchen for the month. Every item of meat and packaged food will have its proper “hechsher” (rabbinical kashrut certification), the most prevalent being the Orthodox Union symbol (a “U” within a circle) that you may notice on numerous food products.

We don’t go out for meals — have you tried to find a kosher restaurant on the North Shore? — but instead enjoy barbecues in the backyard and seaside picnics at Lynch Park.

The television stays off for the duration and is no more than a ghostly non-presence in the corner of the living room. Like any other children visiting their grandparents in the summer, they go to the beach, collect shells and rocks, run through the sprinkler, pick cherry tomatoes from the garden, work on arts and craft projects from A.C. Moore, take books out of the Hamilton-Wenham Library, pick blueberries at Russell Orchards, take the Salem ferry to the New England Aquarium, visit the Wenham Doll and Train Museum, maybe head into Brookline for a special treat, kosher pizza.

I rent a mini-van for the month so we can all fit into one vehicle. And I’ve scoured yard sales ahead of time for board games, doll furniture, sports equipment, and more. One of their favorite activities is to set up house with all the new (to them) items in the bed of the pickup truck.

For Tznius purposes, the younger girls wear bathing suits that look more like scuba diving outfits; the older girls wear a sleeved and skirted suit that goes down to the knees (great for sun protection) and into the water they go. The girls love summertime on the North Shore, the trees and grass a deep and healthy green in contrast to their sparse, sandy and dry desert environment.

Mordechai wakes at dawn for his morning prayers, the first of three times daily. He dresses in the traditional everyday clothing for religious men — black suit, white shirt, conservative tie, black hat — and heads outside with his prayerbook, surrounded by the lush summer landscape that he loves too. After he’s done, he brews coffee for us and we chat, savoring the time we have together just once a year.

It is a joy of this time of life — into my seventies — to accommodate my Israeli family for a summer vacation and provide a relaxed month of sand and surf, barbecues, road trips, bedtime stories, shopping, and hugs. I am at home with my children and their families anywhere in the world, and they are at home with me no matter where their lives take them. Each time we gather, our family grows stronger and closer.

Do I wish they lived around the block instead of 6,000 miles away? My only wish is that they are safe and well, Bezras Hashem!  (with God’s help).

Please consider leaving a comment about your own connection to Israel. This is my story, but then there is yours…